When my husband expressed his desire for a third child, it took me a long time to come around. My biggest concern was whether or not I have the emotional and physical capacity to handle three children. (Closely followed by whether or not I wanted to be pregnant again.) Some women I know have always dreamed of having a large family, and they are relaxed and organized enough to handle that well. Me? I wasn’t so sure. Long story short, I came around and of COURSE it took no time at all for me to be super excited about my little bun in the oven. That little bun is now a 15 week old newborn, and I am MADLY IN LOVE with him!
As for my capacity to handle three?
For the most part, things are going pretty well. But this is a “Mom blog” right? So I’m supposed to be honest and share my not-so-awesome parenting moments as often as I share the lovely ones.
The Situation: I’m nursing the baby. Oldest child is in the shower. The other is hovering over me and the baby, talking non-stop. Suddenly the oldest is crying and screaming because her eye is burning badly (used the wrong shampoo). She is begging for me to come help her, but obviously I’ve got the baby latched to me, so that’s not an option. Meanwhile I’ve asked the middle child to please not lean on the baby right now because he’s trying to eat (she loves to smother him). I hurt her feelings apparently, so she is now crying and runs away sad. So now I’ve got 2 crying girls and a baby who is now crying as well because I am shouting to the one in the shower in an effort to help her from a distance.And then I snapped. Probably in part because there had been other pressurized moments up to this point – it was just THAT time of day. But I can’t even really defend my reaction because I just plain didn’t handle this moment well. I felt PRESSURE. MAJOR pressure. My heart aches when my kids cry (real cries, that is – not tantrum cries.) In this moment, I couldn’t help my oldest feel better, I couldn’t help my youngest feel better, and the baby needed me…just as he seemed to need me every single second that day. I had hoped to quickly get the girls bathed, and be able to go straighten up the living room and get dinner together. But now things were all crazy. I was frustrated. I felt like things were out of my control. And apparently – that’s my trigger.
I blew my top and expressed out loud for all the world to hear that I was frustrated, and then began to LOUDLY rant about how the baby seemed to need me every single second that day and how am I supposed to meet the needs of my other 2 children who also need me, and I just want to make them feel better and give them a hug and “ohmygosh stop crying everybody – I’m doing the best I can!!!” I was pretty much yelling/crying all of this and just really had totally lost it.
I’ve had a few of these moments. I’m discovering that it’s when I feel that meeting the kids’ emotional needs or having an organized evening isn’t within my control that I seem to get super frustrated and just plain angry.
It’s becoming clear that in order to be the breezy, emotionally stable Mom of 3 that I want to be, I better learn to let my kids cry and cope on their own when they need to. And I better learn to accept plan b when things are not going “my way” or on my schedule.
On the other hand, some of this “Mom of 3” business is going quite well. I manage to get all 3 kids clean, cute and safely to and from our outings, usually nursing the baby in the car or at the store if need be. I’ve been known to shampoo my daughter’s hair with one hand while holding the baby with the other. The baby sometimes sits in my lap while I do the girl’s hair for school, and the girls help me entertain him when I need to work in the kitchen. I might be building some new muscles as a result of lugging the giant stroller in and out of my trunk…and the laundry – all 1,000 pounds of it – is always done.
Then there’s the long list of things that are NOT done. And the moments when all 3 kids need me at once. And I may sometimes react as though my whole world is out of control. But I am working on it.
Before I had my third baby, this article was floating around the web. It kind of frightened me to my very core, but I also found it really entertaining. Huffington Post: 22 Ways Having Three Kids is Different From Having Two
Whether you have one, three or six children, I believe you DO have everything it takes to be their Mom. And an awesome one. We may lose our “sweet, calm Mommy voice” from time to time, but the love and devotion is still there. As I always say, don’t forget to extend GRACE…not only to those little ones, but to yourself more than anything.
Nicole
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